something's burning

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Why, it's me! I just read over on BoingBoing that a new Coldplay (sp?) CD from Virgin Records comes with this cheery little message, which you don't see until you've opened the disk. (Note the last line: they won't accept a return just because it can't be used.)

THIS CD IS A COPY PROTECTED CD

Thank you very much for purchasing this CD and helping the cause of "Anti-Piracy" The recordings in this CD have an anti-copying function. They cannot be copied into a PC. In order for you to enjoy high quality music, we have added this special technology.

*Before using, please first read the following:

USAGE GUIDELINES:

This CD cannot be burnt onto a CD-R or hard disk, nor can it be converted into MP3 for file sharing.

This CD has been manufactured for usage in regular CD players, but might not play in the following players:

* Some CD players that have the capability of burning into an MPE (such as portable players or car stereos)

* Some CD players that possess CD-R/RW functions (such as portable players or car stereos)

* Some car stereos with satellite "Guidance" systems

* Some CD players or car stereos with hard disk recording capability

* Some CD-R/RW Recorders used for music

* Some portable CD players

* Some DVD players

* Some CD/LD Convertible Players

* Some Game Players

Although you can use your PC's Windows program to listen to certain tracks, this does not mean that the CD can be played in all PCs.

* The first time that this program is used (in windows automatic starter software) it gets registered in Windows (tm) File. Thus, programs already registered do not affect Windows (tm) operation

* Windows OS also uses the latest files

This CD does not support Macintosh PC software

* Except for manufacturing problems, we do not accept product exchange, return or refund.

So here's a Seuss-o-gram from me to them:

That Virgin Sam! That Virgin Sam!
I do not like that Virgin Sam!

He thinks some kind of crook I am.
His dippy disk's not worth a dram.

I would not play it on a Mac!
I would not mp3 a track.

I'd not my hand-held player risk
Or burn the bleeper to a disk.

I'd not put it on my LD
Or play it on a DVD.

I'd not use CD-R, by heck,
Or play it on my Windows deck.

I'll leave it off my game machine
And likewise keep my hard drive clean.

So keep your dumb DRM kit,
I do not want it, not a bit.

You think your music's so darn hot.
Is it worth all that? No it's not.

I'm not the sheep you think I am,
So shove it sideways, Virgin Sam!
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oh yeah

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sand
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comedy

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I watched the other library video today, a Kino collection called "Cavalcade of Comedy." It consists of shorts that mainly seemed to be from 1930 -- early talkie comedies, starring mostly Broadway and vaudeville stars. Lots of vapid wordplay that urges the present-day viewer to feel patronizingly smug and superior to the yoyos who managed to find amusement in this. For the most part. Burns and Allen started and finished the tape; jape after jape of forced zaniness and weak puns followed by prolonged underreaction. Next up was Eddie Cantor in "Getting a Ticket." I had already been unimpressed with Cantor in one of the musical features. This was a little better, but still not any cavalcade of laughs. I'll bet it's funnier with an audience; his timing was probably learned on stage, and he may have known how long to pause. Maybe Burns and Allen knew too, but their material was pretty blah. Cantor sang a song that was just this side of humorous. At least it wasn't irritating.

Next was Jack Benny in "A Broadway Romeo." Benny drifted in and out of a newsstand, conversation with a girl from Kokomo, a diner, and back to the newsstand. Wisecracks were exchanged at low velocity and intensity. It was agreeable enough, but again, not overly hilarious. "What Price, Pants?" with Smith & Dale was somewhat funnier. A tale of a Jewish pants-maker and his boss who quarrel and end up as rival gangsters pantlegging illicit trousers, the flow of ideas was stronger, and the fact they occasionally raised their voices made a kind of chiaroscuo in a sea of grayness, as far as dynamics went. Then George Jessel brought it back down with "It Might Be Worse," and I mostly missed Tom Howard in "The African Dodger," a tale of a guy filling in for the black kid who gets baseballs thrown at his head at the carnival. I was kind of doing some little errands around the house.

I rewound to get back to the beginning of "Cleaing Up," with Mack Swain and Chester Conklin, a remake of a silent comedy. It had physical gags, and the use of sound seemed entirely natural, plus it had street scenery in some location shots that I always like to see. Stuff kept happening, and it held my interest, especially after they dropped the street-cleaner plot and had them become inept policemen. I enjoyed it more than anything else on the tape. After that, it was just more Burns & Allen, and I barely noticed until it ended.

The video was pretty good, although there were problems with the tape's sound. Library tapes. You're always taking a chance.
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