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Before I start, I'd just like to say something to my computer, which likes to interrupt my typing to grab control away, tell me something I could find out myself in one second, and applies my latest keystrokes to something I didn't intend, and (in the most recent case) actually taking away what I'd written so far. "STOP IT." Okay, on to the post itself.

You know what I think would find a needle in a haystack really fast? One of those big electromagnets they pick up cars with at junkyards.

(Seems anticlimactic now.)
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