home alone

[kip_w]

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My sister said I should call Dad yesterday, because it's the day he took Mom to the home.

Things seem to be going well with that. She's as happy there as she is anywhere, and there are a variety of people there for her to interact with. She's a mile from their house, so he can walk or ride a bike to see her. (Ride a bike! I confessed I hadn't seen him on a bike since forever. He has a sort of mountain bike that he's happy with, and he's in a place where a bike can get you somewhere.)

Mom has been slipping for years, sad to say. There was a time we thought she was reacting to years of being in a town where she just didn't seem to thrive, far from friends and family. Now we don't know, but it seems to be a combination of illnesses and, perhaps, the witch's brew of medications she was prescribed over the years. She went from being sharp to absent-minded to having no memory to speak of. For a while, it seemed that the only thing left was petulance and contrariness, but last time I saw her, she was amiable and enjoying the attention of daughters, granddaughters, and other relatives who were visiting. She still "didn't know nuffink," but it didn't hurt to be with her. She seems to be about six now, mentally, according to people who say they can tell.

Last night, Dad probably got to sleep through the night for the first time in years. He wouldn't have had to get up to help Mom go to the bathroom, or get up to see what she was doing (she would get up and wander at night). He wouldn't have to change diapers or bathe her. I'll guess that he probably woke up anyway, though.

As he said to me, this is the biggest change in his life since he married her, 58 years ago.
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Comments

[kip-w.livejournal.com]

addendum: When Grand-dad finally put Grandma in a home, back in the 80s, she had been more or less oblivious to everything for several years. The first day there, she quietly dropped dead. I'm sure this is at the back of the mind of everybody in the family. Nobody wants that to happen.

[supergee.livejournal.com]

*sympathy* to you and yours.

[alces2.livejournal.com]

This is certainly not a fun thing. My mother has been in a skilled nursing facility on a continuing basis for about a year but was in fairly frequently before that. My step father was finally convinced that he really couldn't keep taking care of her at home. She would wander too but also has osteoporosis (I think I got that right) and almost every time she was falling she was breaking one bone or another. She has Parkinsons and either due to Parkinsons or the meds she's pretty confused now to the extent of dementia. She was quite sure another family was living in her house with her. He goes to the nursing facility every day and is there most of the time.

So, my sympathy to you and yours. Hopefully things go well though.

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

Not a good marker, huh. Things will probably be easier for both of them when she settles down.

[fishbliss.livejournal.com]

Kip,

I'm sorry to hear that she's been slipping, but I'm happy to hear that
she's getting goo dcare, and your Dad has less pressure now.

I remember visiting your house in Ft. Fun and your Mom making lunch
for us all.

/G

[meggins.livejournal.com]

I had no idea. This has to be one of the most distressing of situations. My heart goes out to your dad, and, indeed, all of your family.